As Seen on TV
by Silvered Aegis
Summary: [AU]In which Cagalli and Kira are in debt. Dearka uses horrible pickup lines and Athrun is a smarmy pirate. Entertainment to a whole new level. Various pairings.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything in relation to Gundam SEED and Gundam SEED Destiny.

* * *

Grumble. Groan. Rip. 

"_WHAT THE HELL!"_

**

* * *

As Seen on TV **

Chapter One

* * *

"Kira! Get your arse out here right this second!"

Cagalli Yula Attha stood at the door of her flat grasping the month's cable bill. Her face was alike one of a boiled lobster. Her hands shaking with barely contained rage.

The door opens to reveal a brown haired boy a head taller than her. The boy sported a nervous grin as he looked at his sister.

"Hey, Cagalli…uh…what's the matter?"

"What's the matter? _What's the matter?_ Our cable bill is in five digits! And do you know why?" asked Cagalli glaring.

"No," squeaked Kira.

"_Somebody_ was watching Lacus Clyne's concert on pay-per-view. Thirty effing times a day!"

Kira cursed under his breath. Stupid cable companies and their meticulous billing, he was sure to have gotten of scot-free if they didn't specify.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"How are we going to foot this bill?"

"Get jobs?"

"Kira, I have a job."

"Oh."

"…"

"Uh, get a better job?"

"Kira, get off your lazy arse and find a job yourself. I'm not going to get another job."

"That could work."

"It's settled then."

"Yeah."

"Right."

"…"

"Want to watch some TV?"

"Haven't you learned anything?"

"No why?"

Aggravated, Cagalli stalked into the apartment and slammed the door behind her. Grumbling about stupid brothers and rubber ducks, she headed for the shower.

"Hey!" yelled Kira, banging the apartment door, "let me in!"

* * *

Once Kira was finally let into the apartment, after a few bruises and colourful insults from his beloved sister, he plopped himself on the couch and began to browse through the channels. 

Hoping to catch Lacus Clyne on television, he stopped at the music channel for a moment. What he saw instantaneously caught his eye. A devious plan starts to manifest itself upon his addled brain.

* * *

Thursdays were busy days at the café where Cagalli worked. When she was wiping table three, Miriallia bounded over to the blonde. The shorter girl hid behind Cagalli and was peering around her friend's shoulders. 

"What's the matter?" asked Cagalli, walking over to the counter with Miriallia trailing not far behind.

"Remember that blond guy who kept on eyeing me," Miriallia whispered, Cagalli nodded, "he's back."

"So?"

"He's hitting on me."

Cagalli peered over to the man in question, "He looks harmless enough."

Miriallia groaned, "Wait till you get a hold of his pickup lines."

"Are they bad?"

"Bad? God, he said to me: _I'm new in town. Can you give me directions to your apartment?_"

"Holy crap."

"Crap is not holy, Cagalli."

"It's an expression."

"Ah."

"What're you going to do?"

"Leave."

"Good idea."

"I'll see you later."

"Sure."

Miriallia walked off leaving Cagalli to wonder what had happened. Usually, the two girls didn't chat like teenagers. They were all professional. It kept the lewd old men at bay. Sighing, Cagalli picked up the cloth and started cleaning the counter.

* * *

Miriallia came bursting in the café doors. Her face was flushed and her hair was in disarray. 

"Back so soon," commented Cagalli, "You were only gone for ten minutes."

"It's that guy," growled Miriallia.

_Miriallia was out the door when she heard a voice call out._

"_Hey miss, aren't you forgetting something?"_

_She turned around to find the obnoxious blond guy with horrible pickup lines. Her features turned unpleasant._

"_What?" she managed to ground out._

"_Me," said the guy sporting a Cheshire cat-like grin, "Dearka Elthman, pleasure to meet you."_

_She groaned internally at the pickup line. How many cheesy pickup lines can one guy know? _

_As much as she would like to ignore him and walk on, Miriallia stuck out her hand, "Miriallia Haww."_

_Dearka took her hand and placed a kiss on it, "allow me escort you, Miss Haww."_

_He placed a hand on the small of her back and guided her down the road. Miriallia was just starting to see him as a gentleman when his hand slid lower and grazed her buttock. She froze._

"_PERVERT!" _

_Miriallia kneed him in the groin and ran back to the café never once looking back at the man kneeling in pain. _

"…And that's how I got here all flustered and out-of breath," finished Miriallia lamely, a hint of guilt and pity in her voice.

"He had it coming," Cagalli nodded, "Like they say, _Hell hath no wrath like a woman enraged_, or something like that."

"…"

"Want to come over tonight?" asked Cagalli, "I'm tired of Kira at the moment and it would be really great to have a girls' night."

"That sounds great. Should we invite Stellar?"

"Sure. I'll call her right now. My shift's over anyways."

"Okay. See you tonight?"

"Yeah."

* * *

What is on Kira's mind? Why does Dearka have such horrid pickup lines? How is the girls' night going to turn out?

Tune in next time for another exciting episode of _**As Seen on TV** (All Rights Reserved)_.


End file.
